I was 10 days late and in complete denial because I have been 10 days late before, and the result was always the same. My mom, ever so aware of my cycle’s patterns and schedule, kept calling me and asking me if I had taken a test yet. “No,” I answered, “not yet, but I will.” After saying that for a few days I knew I couldn’t put it off much longer. But the dread of only seeing one line pop up, the 2 minutes of hope while you wait for the allotted time, the thinking of “just maybe, just maybe this will be the month,” only to see your hopes crash down over and over again… I just couldn’t bring myself to test. Getting a period is so much easier than only seeing one line. The one line is a stab to the heart, a tear-jerker, and one that sends me down an emotional spiral that I hate going down. And I just knew this month there was no way I was pregnant since I had been traveling practically every week that month, and so it was basically impossible for me to get pregnant this month. I hadn’t even tracked if I had ovulated!
But alas, 10 days was getting a little long, and I had one last pregnancy test left before I had to go drop another $20 on the next batch. So I woke up Friday morning and peed on that stick. And I stared at it, and the tears started to well up immediately because I just couldn’t take it. But after a minute I blinked and I saw a faint line. I blinked again and my heart literally leaped out of my chest. I jumped off the toilet and ran to Dallin and woke him up and my hands shook as I handed it to him and I said, “am I going crazy? there’s a second line there, right?!” He looks at it and says “yep, there’s a second line. but don’t get too excited yet, anything could happen…” I interrupted and insisted that he run to the grocery store at 6:00 AM and get a digital test since supposedly those ones are more accurate. He dutifully ran over to Harmons and got me a digital one. The words YES+ popped up after a few minutes and I was in complete shock. “How did this happen? The one month I didn’t pay attention to anything and traveled nonstop and drank more caffeine than I had in a lifetime. Literally, the last cycle possible to get pregnant before our IVF appointment, and we somehow conceived spontaneously without any intervention. After two and a half years worth of timed intercourse and shots and hormones and medications and diets, my body decided to do this by itself?”
After it all settled in I insisted that we kneel down and pray right then and there because I had promised God I would if I ever got a positive pregnancy test. We prayed with so much gratitude and hope, and plead to Heavenly Father this pregnancy would stick, it would be healthy, and that everything would go well. We prayed that if something were to go wrong, we would be blessed with peace and understanding in His greater plan.
Somehow I kept it together at work that day. I quit caffeine cold turkey resulting in the first migraine of my life, but it was one of the happiest days of my life.
More to come on everything else, but I felt this day and these moments deserved documenting.
https://www.emmaletters.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/01/ED-4-X3.jpg10671600Emmahttp://www.emmaletters.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/07/cropped-Emma-Blog-Logo-3-1-1-1024x205.pngEmma2019-01-16 18:49:582019-01-28 16:28:06The Day We Found Out