The One Year Mark

As of today, Dallin and I are “officially” dealing with infertility, diagnosed with infertility, or whatever you want to call it. Infertility is officially defined as not being able to get pregnant despite having frequent, unprotected sex for at least a year (mayoclinic.org). I never thought I would end up saying this, I never thought the year mark would come around, but here it is, and I am moving forward with hope and faith that everything will work out the way it needs to.

I have thought a lot about whether this is something worth sharing on the internet. Meanwhile, over the last few months, I personally have turned the internet inside out searching for any and every blog post about infertility. I’d call it an unhealthy obsession, but whenever I could get my hands on a blog or a personal video of a couple’s infertility journey, I felt less alone and a little more hopeful.

So I write this to that one other couple out there wanting to relate with someone. I write this because writing and sharing help me process everything. It helps me feel less isolated whenever I share a part of myself, and this has been a big issue consuming my mind for the last year.

I understand that struggling with infertility is a mostly private thing and some prefer not to talk to people about it. We all deal with hardships in the best way that we can, but for me sharing and being open brings me comfort and lightens my burden.

The other difficulty in writing about infertility is the knowledge that my case isn’t even the worst. Who am I to write about my struggles, when other people struggle for years? I’ve never lost a child or dealt with the heartache or knowing for a fact that I’ll never have kids. We’ve been trying a year and we have just barely begun the next steps in the process. I know that people struggle for much longer than that. The posts that I write are personal to my situation and are not meant to be preachy. This is more a space to write about the emotional struggles that I have faced as well as the physical health problems I experience. And while I might feel awkward if I begin posting about this and then suddenly get pregnant, I can live with that.

This is just the beginning of several posts talking about our journey over the past year and what has brought us to where we are now.  Eventually, time will catch up with me and depending on how we progress or I how I feel about this, I will continue to blog about the steps we are taking to address our infertility. I don’t have a timeline for how often I will write, and some days it may be harder than others, but I want to do this!

Dallin and I are happy and are filled with faith for what is to come. I know with all of my heart that God has a plan for us that is bigger than anything I can plan. This knowledge brings me so much peace and I don’t know how I would survive without lots of prayer, fasting, and studying His word. I have felt and prayed about being open about this part of our lives and I know that if anything it will help me come to terms with everything that is happening.

If you are interested in following along, you can sign up here to get notified each time I post. If you feel like it, please feel free and open to share with me your own experiences. Each couple’s journey is so personal, but talking with others or hearing their stories helps me so much. You can email me, comment on any post, or reach out via social media.

3 replies
  1. ashleynicole // [real life, real love] says:

    Hey, so I am a good friend of Sarah Pusey’s and her mom sent me your way to share my story. My husband and I tried for about 18 months before getting pregnant, so I totally get how hard this situation is. I think the hardest part for me was always the unknown — like if I had known ahead of time that it would take 18 months, the 18 months would have been infinitely more bearable, but without knowing, each month just brought more pain.
    I credit my finally getting pregnant with two things: 1. I read a book called Taking Charge of Your Fertility. It gives lots of information about how to better understand your own cycle. It helped me find out that I don’t ovulate until about day 24, which is way out of the window where we were super actively trying. 2. I started taking a medication called Metformin. I’m diabetic, and the medicine is for diabetes, except I didn’t need it for diabetes–I used it for its side effect of fertility. In my experience, it regulated my cycle a bit more. I still ovulated late and had long cycles, but when I wasn’t on the medication, my cycles were even longer and I didn’t always ovulate.
    I have several blog posts of my own from my time dealing with infertility, but my blog is now set to private since I post hundreds of pics of my daughter. If you’re interested in reading more, send me your email address and I’ll add you to my allowed readers list 🙂
    In my experience, nothing anyone else said was very helpful in my heartache, so I’ll just say I’m sorry that you’re dealing with this. It’s certainly not a fun process 💜💜

    • Emma says:

      Thank you so much for sharing! I definitely agree with you about the waiting part – the emotional rollercoaster of each month and not knowing about what the end result is difficult. I have heard of that book and I am going to go and get it today! I have read a lot about tracking cycles and am doing several things to figure mine out so another source would be very helpful. As for the Metformin, I am very aware of it because I have actually been taking it for the last 4 months! I haven’t gotten pregnant yet, but it has helped me in so many other areas in my life that I will probably do a blog post just on Metformin.
      I would love to read your blog – you can add me to your list with the email emma@emmaletters.com
      Thank you so much again, hearing your success story definitely helps me maintain a positive and optimistic attitude and I am so grateful.

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