Objectively Cute Husband Goes to Tokyo

Honestly this is more a story about how Joe Jonas slighted my honor, but we’ll get to that.

Hello, it is I, the objectively cute husband of Emma. This is my first guest post and hopefully I’ll be invited back! (I never know).

I recently took a spur of the moment trip to Tokyo. The one place in the world I’ve always wanted to visit because I’m a huge nerd and I’m overly organized so I love the idea of their culture! (And I was not wrong, I loved it!) I was supposed to travel to AZ with Emma to visit family, but when the opportunity presented itself I had to take it.

My amazing wife now works for an airline company, meaning we get to fly standby anywhere we want, assuming we make it on the flight! Emma can’t use it for herself until basically next year but since I have a flexible job it’s an awesome perk of having no kids and a wonderful spouse!

To begin, my sister and cousin were supposed to go to Paris, but the plane was full and the only other option was Tokyo. Unfortunately my brother couldn’t go with them anymore and I had to step in as the muscle for two girls traveling the world. All 150 pounds of me.

We barely made it on the flight and both my sister and cousin got First Class while I got stuck with the peasants in economy. I never heard the end of their stories of steak dinners, fancy chocolates, and full beds. Meanwhile I had watery oatmeal served by a Soviet orphanage director and only Adam Sandler movies to choose from…

Now we speak no Japanese, so 99% of our first day was guessing. I guess we’ll get on this train, I guess we’ll walk in that direction, I guess we’re hopelessly lost.

It was 90° with 80% humidity so by the time we made it to our Airbnb we we’re DRIPPING with sweat, like slightly tired, but still sexy, beach volleyball players.

Our Airbnb was a 1 room place with 3 beds and was PERFECT! So we dropped our stuff and immediately headed for the nearest shrine because we didn’t want to fall asleep at 4:00PM.

OK first, Japan is beautiful, organized and quiet. We were in the middle of Tokyo and we always felt safe, we didn’t hear one horn honk our whole stay, and no one talks on the metro. It’s kind of eerie but it’s an antisocial paradise!

We all bought new, cheap clothes because the girls had packed warm for Paris and were now dying.

We lived near a shrine and market so we spent the night getting our first taste of Japan. The Shrine was beautiful and the ice cream in Japan is basically just pressed frozen fruit so it’s amazing! All the sweets (like anywhere except America) have less sugar so they actually taste good and flavorful! (Japan is living in 2050 while we’re stuck in 2005).

We ate ramen, visited shrines and museums, shopped, found rotating sushi, visit a zoo, saw cool parks, visited the electronics district, and generally did everything!

Tokyo is now my new favorite city in the world. Better than Berlin, Rome, Geneva, London, D.C, or anywhere else.

We had a killer time, walked 50+ miles in 3 days, and ate the cutest food on planet Earth. Once you learn it it’s pretty easy to get around. After a quick two day trip we had to turn around to come home.

My sister was able to hop her flight very easily and left me and my cousin to catch ours. My job was to make sure my cousin got on the plane before I left so she didn’t end up stuck in Tokyo alone.

The first flight we tried was the one we were most desperate for. 20 mins before take off it was down to her and some old man. The desk lady told us there was 1 seat, but they had to wait to see if that person showed up in the next 5 mins.

This was our window of opportunity. If we could break someones leg to ensure they didn’t make it so she would get the seat, we would have.

5, 4, 3, 2…

Suddenly out of the corner of my eye I saw someone slowly walking over to the counter…

At the desk, with 1 minute to spare stood Joe Jonas with two large Asian bodyguards carrying his crap. He looked at us, buried his nose in his phone, and TOOK THE LAST SEAT ON THE PLANE!

We were both stuck in Tokyo because of Joe Jonas…

That handsome, former teen star had partied all night and decided to take OUR flight home.

Well we were screwed. I spent the next hour frantically booking another Airbnb and pulling out more cash. We worked our way back into Tokyo (which is not a small city) to our second, unfamiliar Airbnb.

This Airbnb was owned by the same guy, but this time instead of being one room, we had a WHOLE HOUSE! It could sleep 20 people! It was the coolest, traditional japanese house. Unfortunately there were two things wrong.

1. It also happened to be across the street from the red light district.

2. I remembered that the Grudge lives in traditional Japanese houses and our story was the classic horror story intro. “Two tourists miss their flight and rent the local haunted house because they don’t know anything.” Needless to say we didn’t go upstairs again that night.

We ended up buying a plane ticket for my cousin who was NOT going to make it back on standby. We went to eat super cute pancakes again that morning and then we both made it to our gates that afternoon.

As we waited and chatted before boarding, the man next to us decided to have a full on seizure and stop breathing. I jumped up and couldn’t really remember a single thing from Boyscouts about seizures so I did whatever I remembered on House. I checked to make sure his tongue wasn’t in his throat (as if this trip wasn’t already long enough, my last memory of Tokyo would be shoving my hand into a stranger’s mouth). Luckily it wasn’t, so I rolled him over to his side as he turned blue. He stopped seizing and breathed again. Day saved. Goodbye Tokyo.

Flew to the USA, made it past the angry board agents and back onto soil where people honk and talk too loudly on their phones.

If you’re looking for a new city, believe me, this is the one to go to! 10/10, highly recommend, best city.

Day 1

Moke’s Bread and Breakfast
Shinjuku
Shibuya Crossing
Omotesando
Takeshita Street
Yoyogi Park
Meiji Shrine
Roppongi Hills (Skyview)
Hiro-o
Akasuka Market

Day 2

Tokyo National Museum
Ueno Zoo
Ueno Park
Akihabara
Decks
Aqua City
Diver City
Lights Festival
Akasuka Market

Airbnb

We stayed in Room 101. The owner has multiple apartments in the complex so any within the same place are great! Look for the ones that read: Asakusa – Kinbi-st 101/6mins walk STA. Any with different room numbers would be great.

This apartment is on the silver Hibiya Metro Line and pretty close to the station! It’s also super close to a fun market and shrine which is great for food, shopping and an easy way to end the day if you have extra time.

About Japan (my observations)

There’s a few things to know before you make your trip.

1. There is English everywhere so you’ll be fine. Most restaurants have pictures so all you do is point and most staff know enough words about their job to get you through. It’s actually really easy.
2. The japanese are obviously very respectful and Japan feels very safe. We wandered most places during the day and never felt threatened and never got harrassed. We also accidently wandered into a red light district at night and still felt safer than walking my own streets at night. It’s weird.
3. No one talks on the subway. There are signs to turn your phone down and make sure your music is quiet. No one broke those rules. We talked in whispers and we’re always the loudest people on the train.
4. JAPAN USES CASH! When I read this I thought that this would be maybe for little shops and it wouldn’t be a problem. Nope. Right when we got off the plane and tried to buy metro tickets the machines only took cash. So did all the restaurants, shops, and entertainment. Those that took card didn’t take Visa (weirdly enough). Just pull out cash at the beginning and you’ll be good. We spent about $100 a day between the three of us. (Japan is pretty cheap for most things)
5. Vending machines everywhere! And it’s glorious!
6. Walk on the left! Stand on the left on escalators. You’ll get used to it.